


Come back to me

by MangaBitch



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Accidents, Adopted Children, Affection, Age Difference, Alpha Canada (Hetalia), Amnesia, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Apologies, Awkwardness, Beautiful, Big Sisters, Bisexual Female Character, Blushing, Bonding, Braids, Bullying, Car Accidents, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Confrontations, Confusion, Cooking, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Devotion, Diary/Journal, Drama & Romance, Drunk Driving, Embarrassment, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Engagement, Established Relationship, Exhaustion, F/F, Family, Family Bonding, Fear, Feelings, Feels, Female Bonding, Female Friendship, Female Homosexuality, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, FrUK, Friendship, Frustration, Gardens & Gardening, Genderbending, Genderswap, Gentleness, Girls Kissing, Guilt, Harassment, Head Injury, Headaches & Migraines, Healing, Heartache, Heartbreak, Hobbies, Hope, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hugs, Injury Recovery, Insecurity, Insomnia, Internal Conflict, Intimacy, Jeans, Jewelry, Jumpers, Kissing, Lesbian Character, Living Together, Love, Love Confessions, Lullabies, Magic-Users, Medical Procedures, Medicine, Memories, Memory Loss, Mental Breakdown, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Near Death Experiences, Nervousness, Night Terrors, Nyotalia, Nyotalia England (Hetalia), Nyotalia France (Hetalia), Panic, Passive-aggression, Personality Swap, Pervert France (Hetalia), Phone Calls & Telephones, Pictures, Praise Kink, Protectiveness, Psychological Trauma, Reading, Recovery, Repressed Memories, Reveal, Romance, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Gestures, Romantic Soulmates, Rule 63, Sad, Sad America (Hetalia), Self-Destruction, Self-Reflection, Shock, Shyness, Sibling Bonding, Sleep Deprivation, Sleeping Together, Sobbing, Soul Bond, Strong Female Characters, Temporary Amnesia, Texting, Triggers, Watching Someone Sleep, Wedding Planning, Wedding Rings, Worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2019-11-12 11:43:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18010301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MangaBitch/pseuds/MangaBitch
Summary: After suffering from a severe accident, Alice develops amnesia from head trauma. Losing her memories of her life with her childhood sweetheart. But Marie is determined to help Alice regain her old self. To bring back the girl she loves.





	1. The heart is a fragile thing

**Author's Note:**

> Bring tissues, this is gonna be a feels fest

Marie burst into the hospital room, not caring about the noise or disruption she may have caused. Her eyes wide with panic and desperation, her breath heavy, her chest heaving as she gasped for air. Out of breath, fear radiating from her in waves, shaking like a leaf. She hadn't slept in days, she had been too worried to allow herself to rest. These past days had been torture for her, pushing her to the limit of her sanity and patience, wishing it would all be over more than anything.

The fear of how close she had come to losing everything, how one second had turned her life upside down in the worst possible way. How a moment of happiness had turned into a moment of severe heartache. While she had been out on a loving date, not a care in the world and enjoying the moment. Before she could react, before she could even blink, within a second Alice had been hit by a drunk driver. Time had suddenly stopped, everything became silent and nothing, but white noise could be heard.

For a while, she had stood in shock, unable to move, unable to react, unable to even breath. Both of them had been lucky not to have been killed. At that moment, she felt her heart stop, soon the tears starting to fall. She fell to her knees, gripping Alice close to her body like a vice. Unable to stop the tears from falling, screaming for someone, anyone to help her. People eventually crowding around her, a large mess of panic and trying to call the police and ambulance, people wrestling the driver and throwing obscenities at him.

Alice was out for two weeks, bandages and gauze wrapped around her head. She never once left her lovers side, scared of what would happen if she did. She slept beside her, held her hand as if it would break if she let go. Kissed her good morning and goodbye slept beside her on the bed etc. Spending every minute she could whenever possible. However, every now and again she had to part ways to speak to the doctor and collect things from home. She and Alice had been friends since their childhood, a love that only grew stronger as they got older. Marie herself was openly bisexual and proud of her sexuality, while Alice was a lesbian. But Marie had loved her since they were kids regardless, a love that never faded. Though Marie went on to date various people over the years to make Alice jealous, in hopes of recovering from her unrequited love. Marie didn't confess till she was 20 and Alice was 16, having a four year age difference. They had been together ever since, now being an engaged couple at the ages of 23 and 26.

They had been planning a wedding together, of finally tying the knot after all these years. The timing having happened perfectly, eventually deciding that Alice was the person she wanted to share eternity with. Nobody else was suited to stand by her side as her wife, as her life partner. Having adopted kids together, the eldest being Amelia who was 18 and her younger sister Maddie who was 17. Both of them were going to be their bridesmaids, but after all that had happened, it was of course put on hold. Because their dreams had been shattered like a rock to glass.

Alice was sat up in bed, her expression calm and blank-faced. Staring back at her visitor with curious eyes, the light gone from her beautiful eyes. Her familiar pigtails undone, her long hair flowing around her waist like golden rain. Her green eyes were big and calm, yet a look of confusion on her face. Giving her the appearance of an angel. How was it that despite the tragedy and trauma they had faced, Marie still felt her heart swell with love just by looking at her?

In a heartbeat, Marie ran towards Alice, breaking down into tears as she held the English girl close to her. The tears pooling around her face, spilling onto the sheets and soaking her lovers bed garments. Her hair styled into a messy French braid, her bangs framing her face. She was wearing a dark blue short sleeved jumper styled blouse, with a heart-shaped chest. A pair of black skinny jeans that complimented her slender figure. A pair of brown ankle boots and a pair of pearl teardrop earrings. An engagement ring shining on her finger. Despite the grief and the slight bags under her eyes from lack of sleep, still keeping up appearances.

Alice was stunned by the gesture, not expecting to be pulled into a hug. Everything happened so fast, she had no idea of who this woman holding her was. She had heard a loud sound and all of a sudden she found herself in this situation. However, she did not hate being hugged, it somehow felt familiar to her, a safe feeling. But she could not recollect ever having met this woman before. Was this woman her family? Was she a friend of her older sister Isla?

Marie held her lover tightly in her arms, her body shaking like a leaf as she sobbed her heart out. She was so overwhelmed, relieved, happy, grateful and yet so very sad. Her heart filled with so many emotions, she could not vocally express them all at once. Her soft blonde hair, her soft cherub cheeks, her small and fragile form, she was so happy to have Alice back in her arms. "Mon Cheri, I have been so worried. Sleep, food, nothing has been able to ease my soul. To be able to look into your eyes again, to have you by my side once more. It is a wish come true" she sobbed. She would never take Alice for granted ever again, she wouldn't tease her (at least not for a while anyway). No matter what she wouldn't let Alice out of her sight, no matter what the risk might be.

Alice felt her cheeks flush as shyness became her. This woman was very beautiful and obviously of French ethnicity. But how did such a lovely woman know someone like her? She had never been overly popular with anyone in the past that she could recall, aside from a few odd admirers and one sided crushes. "Um, excuse me? But… may I ask who you are?" she eventually stammered hesitantly. She felt so impolite that this woman was acting so familiar yet she seemed like a stranger to her. She was very flattered by her affection but she could not ever recall having relations with the woman.

Marie stiffened while embracing the English female, hoping more than anything that she had simply misheard Alice. That what she had just said was simply a misunderstanding. She slowly pulled away from her, a look of fear on her face. Her eyes red from crying, her complexion pale as the situation slowly began to hit her. If this was some kind of joke on Alice's behalf, it was certainly not funny. "Alice, do you not recognize me?" she asked impatiently. This moment felt like a situation out of a drama movie, but never in her life had she ever expected herself to live it in reality. Though many unfortunate people experienced such heartache, never did she think it could ever happen to herself.

Alice shifted in her bed, looking nervous and timid at the confrontation, Her headache and a pulse repeated in her temples painfully, no matter how much she wanted to she could not remember this woman at all. It was like there were chains tightly bound across a door that led to her deeper psyche, preventing her from remembering. She began to shake her head slowly "I… I'm sorry. Being hugged by you. It feels right, but I cannot recall…" she trailed off quietly. Her expression one of hurt and deep guilt, knowing how cruel what she was saying sounded.

Marie could not express her sadness, utter heartbreak overwhelming her entire being. To know she was now a stranger to the woman she loved more than anything. However, she still remained somewhat hopeful about this. All of Alice's memories, she still remembered their relationship, their life together in her heart. But they were locked away deep inside her psyche, her head being wiped clean of their past together while her heart still held them, dear. It would be very frustrating trying to reclaim them, but hopefully, she could help her recover. A sad smile formed on her face, trying to mask the pain inside her. Still shaking a little, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I see, excusez-moi, I must speak to the doctor" she apologized. She stroked Alice's cheek affectionately before slowly getting to her feet and exiting the room, leaving Alice alone and confused.

* * *

 

"Your wife is suffering from amnesia, though we cannot confirm whether it's acute or not. This was indeed caused by the head trauma she suffered because of that car collision. Due to the speed of the vehicle she was hit very hard, I dare say she's lucky to even be alive" the doctor explained calmly. She recovered very fast for someone who was in such a dangerous accident, obviously a fighter and a fast healer. However, how fast she healed for a human being was very worrying to him. But whether or not the effects of being hit by a drunk driver would be permanent would be unveiled over time. It was too soon to say, but for the time being they had done all they could.

Marie gripped her hands into balled fists, anger coursing through her. She would never forgive the bastard who caused the worst day of her life, nearly killing her fiancé. The fact that he had been arrested was not enough, he could have killed her. Now what was worse, she suffered from memory loss, but whether she would heal or not was unknown. How could she accept that her life with Alice had been forgotten, that she was the only one who remembered their life together, every moment they had shared together. It was a heartbreak she could not accept.

"I know how stressful this must be for you, I don't envy your situation. But it is possible your fiancé will recover from this, if she carries familiar traits from your relationship in the past, she still has the memories somewhere deep inside her psyche. But she will need to regain them slowly" he reassured her. He then handed Marie some painkillers and sleeping pills in a paper bag. "Just in case of emergencies, the painkillers are for her. But you may use the sleeping pills yourself if need be. Your fiancé needs have a close eye kept on her, after experiencing such a severe accident she is in a very vulnerable situation. I apologize to have to tell you all this, I know this cannot be easy to hear. But I cannot predict how this situation will unfold".

She had been diligently looking after her lover ever since she had been admitted to the hospital. He admired her dedication and devotion to her lover, she had put her own life on hold for the sake of her partners well being. God knows if she had a job and her boss knew about everything that was going on, everything she was trying to balance at the minute. They obviously had a close bond given how loyal Marie was to her lover. The endless days she spent at the hospital in her room, day by day, hour after hour. She obviously loved her dearly and had been a very happy couple. It broke his heart to see them go through such a painful scenario.

Marie held the bag tightly in her hand, the brown paper crinkling in her hand. But she held back her desire to yell at the man. To vent her anger, to say he wasn't working hard enough, and he had to scan her head again for better results. That this was a huge joke, that this wasn't fair and that he sounded like a patronizing fuck. But that wouldn't do anyone any good at all. "Merci doctor, I will feel better to get Alice home. She'll be safe there and it will ease my worries, we will both be more comfortable, allowing us to have some fun at least" she sighed quietly.

* * *

 

Marie held tightly onto her lover's hand as she stood by the entrance with Alice. She refused to let Alice out of her sight no matter what, of course walking home was out of the question in this scenario. Though she probably seemed neurotic, she was terrified of a repeat scenario of what had caused Alice to be hospitalized, to begin with. The fear that danger would once more follow them and ruin her life all over again, she had been through enough pain for a lifetime, this was just the cherry on the cake. She would rather shield Alice this time then let a repeat scenario take place.

She stroked her fingers absentmindedly, hoping to act as some form of reassurance to Alice as well as a comfort for herself. She had been shaken by this whole set of affairs and doubted she would get through this smoothly, it would be hard on both of them. But she had to be stronger than ever now, for herself and for Alice. Her fiancé would be completely relying on her now more than ever, pushing her to her limits. But they were still a team, they had each other, even if it would take Alice a while to realize that.

"Now if you have any troubles at all, don't hesitate to call us" the doctor reminded Marie. Getting home safe was mandatory and the two of them should take it easy for as long as possible. This week had been hard on Marie and she needed to try and relax, for both her mental and physical health. They had her number on file in case of needing to contact her and vise versa, being able to share updates.

Marie smiled wearily, she didn't know how she would get through this. Hell, how would the girls react to this? Though Amelia and Maddie were now grown up, this would take an emotional toll on both of them. Their mother had taken a severe injury from what was a life-threatening accident. They had been worrying non stop while Alice had been hospitalized. "Oui, again thank you for all you have done. You have been a blessing" she sighed. She was so tired, mentally and physically. She needed rest, but she still had so much to do when they returned home.

Alice sat beside her, staring out of the window as she watched the background in content. Her hands rested on her lap, gripped tightly into small balled fists, but her expression was still blank. Causing her lover to worry what kinds of thoughts were rolling through her mind. Her hair was now re-styled into pigtails again, her usual black glasses framing her face. Now adorned in clothes that Marie had brought from home as her other clothes had been wrecked in the accident. A red pleated tartan mini skirt, a pair of black thigh high stockings, brown ankle boots with buckles across the side, and a black turtleneck jumper. She looked very cute in Marie's eyes, resembling her usual self again. However, she knew that though she may have looked the same, internally she was anything but.

The doctor placed his hand on Marie's shoulder and squeezed gently "Good luck Ms Bonnefoy, patience is necessary for the future you have ahead of you. I'll call you when checkups are due, take care now". The recovery for Alice would take a toll on Marie, how soon she would regain her lost memories. Situations like these could be very trying on relationships, arguments and mental health were expected. Alice would be expected to come in for check-ups to see if she was getting any better. Given their observation during her comatose state, she was a fighter and a quick healer. Being her fiancé, Marie was expected to join her.

* * *

 

Marie winced as the sunlight beamed into her eyes like a blinding pillar. Her eyes sensitive from crying, her exhaustion now impacting her heavily. She had over time started to prepare that Alice may never wake up, as hard as it was to accept that scenario. The heartbreaking reality that the love of her life had been torn from her and she would never get them back. Hell, she had been prepared to go to court to get justice on the drunken asshole who had taken her lovers life due to his inebriated state and lack of morals.

Though very much the nation of love, she was no pushover. She had a passionate heart that did not always venture towards happiness, it showed it's colours in every emotion. Her temper not nearly as scary as Alice's, Spain's or even Russia's for that matter, but she was indeed a force to be reckoned with in her own right. Because she was usually such a happy person that nobody ever expected her to be so capable of such anger. Going from a ray of sunshine to a fearsome individual very quickly indeed.

She probably looked a mess, she hadn't slept well and she had several breakdowns out of fear. Talking to Alice while she was out was the hardest thing she had ever had to do, not knowing if she could even hear her voice. She needed coffee, but she also needed a drink. But she knew if she consumed alcohol in this situation, her filter would be weakened. She had been through so much this week, her restraint was not as strong as it used to be. Her ring glistened in the light, proof of her bond with Alice. No matter what road lay ahead of them, she would follow the course and try to help bring back the girl she loved. Somewhere deep inside she has locked away, trying to break out and be free again.

Alice shifted, the sun was warm and the light was bright. She was so used to watching the world from a window that being outside for real felt so strange like she was living in a dream. Everything was so noisy, there were so many people and cars. "So, where do we go now?" she asked. She didn't remember where home was, she had no idea of where to go. Nothing made sense and everything around her felt confusing and unfamiliar. She could only rely on her lover for answers, until the pieces started to fall together again.

Marie chuckled under her breath "I have no idea miel, I'm as lost as you in all of this" she reflected. She felt like a lost child rushing through an adult world in a blind haze, not knowing what to do anymore. She felt like she had hit rock bottom, the worst thing that could have ever happened to her. But she could not show her fear to Alice, for she would only frighten her. "I suppose home is best, the garden is in full bloom and it has always been your favourite". Yes, their garden which was by now so lovely in bloom, full of birds, butterflies and the sounds of nature.

Alice nodded obediently, home yes that sounded right to her. She could recollect a vintage style cottage with a lovely garden. The picture clear in her mind, but that was all she could think of at that moment. Anything else on her abode did not form an image in her mind yet, but she had been told to be patient about trying to remember things. But Marie would know, she was her fiancé after all. They had obviously lived together for a long time before she developed amnesia. She would remember where their home was and what kind of place it was. So she didn't have to worry so much, right?

Slowly, she reached out to take Marie's arm gently, feeling braver as she held her close. She was still scared and confused, but she was getting used to the fact she had a fiancé. Though never in her life did she ever believe someone could love her. She had been so lonely growing up, being called a weakling, pushed around for being the runt, people teasing her because of her gifts to see the unknown, for her babyface and lack of womanhood. To have a woman who loved her so much, it was a blessing.

Marie was taken aback by the gesture, the first forward move Alice had made in all of this. Her heart fluttering as her lover reached out to her, taking her arm so naturally. Gazing down at her with wide eyes, happier than words could convey. She had been right, some part of Alice still remained inside of her, trying to break out. Though subtle, she remembered how casual Alice was sometimes when comfortable. Touching her as naturally as she would eat or sleep.

"Home sounds best" Alice stammered shyly. She felt she would feel most comfortable when they returned home. She wanted to sit outside in the sunshine, away from the public. Maybe, she and Marie could talk about their life together, alone and in private. Placing a hand over Alice's, realizing she was still shaky. She told herself she had to be brave, that she could take it easy at home. This felt so natural if only she wasn't walking with a semi-stranger instead of her usual stubborn but perverted lover. She then led Alice away, towards the direction of home.

* * *

 

Marie closed the door behind Alice, placing the key in a glass bowl on the counter. Finding herself hurrying about like a maid, despite it being their shared home for a long time. Not knowing what to do with herself. She had to keep herself busy or she would only fuss over Alice and her anxiety would become apparent. They were home now, which took a great deal of strain off her shoulders. However, there was more to come and that worried her.

Alice gazed around the house, staring at the photos and decorative items covering their walls. It was like she was living the story of Alice in Wonderland as if she had entered a whole new world that was not her own, yet it was. They had truly lived in a place like this together? It felt like something she had read in a book as a small girl, stepping into the pages of her imagination. She already felt welcomed inside, this place having a warm and comforting ambiance that made her chest feel warm with ease.

"I can brew us some tea, I made some fresh pastries especially. We can eat them in the garden in the sunshine. I know you love to admire the flowers in spring" Marie replied cautiously. Her fairy friends would be waiting on her eagerly, for they had missed her. She had not been gifted with the magical site as Alice had. Unable to see the things unseen by the normal eye, but she appreciated that her lover could. At first, she found it strange and simply that Alice was an odd child, but over time realized how gifted she was.

Alice's eyes brightened a little, her demeanour happier. She nodded in agreement, she did love a freshly brewed tea, though it was expected as they were lovers that Marie would know what beverages she liked. It still felt odd to her saying that word, fiancé. Due to her lack of suitors and unrequited love over the years, she had accepted the fate of forever being a lone woman who was never destined for love. That she would only admire others from afar while romance filled their lives with joy. Yet, by some magical fate she had managed to find what she had always longed for, with her dream girl.

"You can change into something more comfortable if you wish, your clothes are upstairs. I will call you when the tea is prepared" Marie reassured her. Having some head space would allow her to calm herself and get used to her new life, of acting as a carer to her beloved. Though she did not truly believe there was anything wrong with what Alice was wearing, she had grabbed it all in a rush. Being home, she would be more comfortable in shorts, jeans or a casual T-shirt.

Alice did not think that there was anything wrong with her clothes, however, black was very warm in this weather. Dressing in something lighter would surely be a relief, allowing her to cool off in the heat. So she headed in the direction of the stairs to locate their assumed shared bedroom. Before making her leave, Alice stopped. Though she was very new to the idea she was in a relationship, let alone engaged to wed this woman. Somewhere, deep inside she felt a longing. She desired this woman to kiss her, she didn't know why. But she wanted to receive affection from the latter. "Marie?" she questioned shyly, wondering if what she was asking was improper given how upset she had been earlier today.

Marie looked up, she knew giving Alice support was expected as she had not yet adapted to her life as an amnesiac. Many things would be difficult for her, to slowly piece her life back together after losing such a large chunk of it. Even the most normal of things would seem alien to her. "Do you want my help cher?" she said fondly. The doctor said she would be very reliant on her for the first couple of weeks. But she was prepared for that, she had always been a naturally maternal soul which is why their kids turned out so well.

Alice's cheeks flushed as red as the skirt she wore. Knowing how awkward such a request was, feeling it was improper given to her this felt like their first meeting. But to Marie, this would be a completely natural act. She had no reason to be ashamed of her desires, there was nothing perverse or inappropriate about them. "May… may I ask you…. for a kiss?" she stammered bashfully. There was a long silence as the words echoed in the air, Alice and Marie staring at one another. The chirping of birds, the gentle rustle of leaves in the wind echoing in the background. The tick of the grandfather clock in the hall, watching one another.

Marie stepped towards Alice slowly, she would kiss Alice as many times as she wanted if it helped bring her memory back. But as to not scare her, she would do so only when the latter was comfortable. As the gap closed between them, she cupped Alice's face in her hands. Gazing down at her with love. She then leaned forward to capture Alice's lips in a soft but loving kiss, her lips still so sweet. How she had missed being able to kiss her like this, instead of the one-sided kisses she had until now. Her lover being unaware had not been as comforting, like kissing a sleeping beauty who would not wake. After pulling away, she saw the colour still adorning Alice's cheeks. She had to say this more passive and shyer version of Alice was indeed very sweet. Making her want to baby her all the more. "Did you like that?" she asked.

Alice swallowed nervously, not averting her gaze "Y… Yes" she mumbled. The kiss felt familiar somehow, despite not being able to remember ever having been intimate with this woman before. But it was indeed a pleasant feeling. Marie's lips were so soft and warm, the taste of something sweet hinted on their surface. Her skin so pale and soft, warm to the touch, so smooth and fine. She was indeed a beautiful woman.

Marie stepped back, not wanting to overdo it and make Alice uncomfortable. "Now dearest, go upstairs and make yourself at home. When I am done preparing everything I will come and get you" she reminded Alice. Gently manoeuvring her upstairs so she could start to feel more welcome. Knowing she would only worry further with Alice hovering around. She wanted Alice to feel at home as soon as possible, to get adapted to her new/old life again.

* * *

 

"So Alice is back home? Is she ok? She hasn't lashed out has she? I know amnesia can cause a lot of confusion, their moods can be very unpredictable" Maddie panicked. She was relieved to know Alice was coming home at last but had not seen her yet she didn't know what state she would be in.

Times like these Marie was relieved that Maddie was the more mature of their children. Something she had inherited from both herself and Alice, which she was very proud of. Acting as an anchor in their given situation. "Non, she has not. She is very confused, but she is slowly adapting to being home and of course…. Us being involved with one another". She was never ashamed of the fact she was engaged to another woman, she would fight hatred towards their relationship just as strongly as it was given. But trying to remind someone who forgot how much you loved them, it was a very hurtful task to one's self.

Maddie breathed a sigh of relief down the phone, she had been worrying non stop after Alice was hospitalized. To the point, her passive-aggressive nature was less passive and more snappy. She had been restless and very stressed out about all this. Though she called Marie to check up on her while Alice was hospitalized, she was booking flights to stay with them both a while. She could not leave her mothers alone in this situation, they were family and abandoning them to cope was not an option. She wanted to be there for them as much as possible. Until then, she would send care packages to get them through.

"Pardonne-moi, I have left you alone in all this mama. I should have been with you, but my work has been so hectic" Maddie apologized. She could only begin to imagine what this was like for her. Having to deal with this all by herself. She knew Marie was proud of how responsible she was, yet she had not been there for her during such a traumatic event. Making her feel weak, helpless and very useless indeed.

Marie smiled to herself, she had raised Maddie right. She was a deeply empathetic young woman who had a beautiful soul and a good head on her shoulders. "The fact that you are coming home means the world to me. Look after yourself Érable". She would need her sleep, to prepare herself for the long journey and what she would face when introducing herself to Alice. Having to explain to your second mother, that you were in fact her child.

Maddie then hung up the phone, leaving Marie alone with her thoughts. It would be indeed easier when Maddie eventually returned from her current home in Canada. The trip back to France would be long but very much worth the journey, to support one another as a family. Now for the second part, she had to call Amelia. Now Amelia was the eldest but still very childish and very emotional. Having to tell her all of this would not be easy and she knew that it was bound to end with tears. But they had to pull together through all of this.

* * *

 

"Is she alive? Is she ok? How did she seem after coming back from the hospital? What did the doctor say?" Amelia babbled, speaking nearly one hundred miles an hour. Spouting out her words in an endless stream of panic and frustration. How the hell had she been the last to know about the fact that one of her mum's had been in a near fatal car accident. She was the heroine, she was supposed to protect and help those in need, especially her family. Yet, she had been able to do nothing.

Marie could only be patient, for deep down inside, she felt the exact same way. But they could not rush this as the recovery had to happen on its own. They could not bring her back to normal at the snap of a finger. "Amelia, breathe. Yes, Angleterre is alive and she is taking her time. She was very passive and clingy, but that is to be expected after suffering a head injury in a collision. The doctor said not to keep an eye on her and come in for routine check-ups to mark her progress". Though she understood the conflict her eldest felt all too well.

There was a long sigh on Amelia's side of the phone, expressing her frustration on the matter. She was a complex and deeply emotional person, still growing and maturing as a person. Knowing there was nothing she could do to make things better wasn't helping matters. "I'm sorry, I know I'm not helping. I'm her little sister and her child, but all I do is sit, sulk and complain. It's just… knowing how close we came to… to losing her.. I…" her voice trembled as it began to crack. Her strength beginning to waver as she bit back her desire to cry.

"I know mon petit héros, but we have to stay strong. She needs us now more than ever, we cannot afford to fall apart" she soothed. She had to play both mothers now, to keep their family together during this hardship. Support, love and trust would help get them through, knowing your memories would be one sided when it came to Alice. That something you once shared was now only yours to keep, there were no words for such emotional pain.

"I'm coming home no matter what. I want to see her, I want to see you. I… I want to see my mothers" Amelia babbled. She didn't care how much trouble she got into with her boss. She wanted to be where she felt safe. Being able to see the people she loved, her family. After coming so close to losing a family member, scared her deeply. Making her remember how lucky she was, how grateful she was to have something so precious.

So, both her babies were coming home. Maddie and Alice were leaving their jobs and their new homes to come home to them both after everything. She couldn't be prouder of the two girls she had raised into two strong and beautiful young women. "Merci Amelia. It will be good to see you both, take care of yourself. Je t'aime". Again, she hung up the phone. Gripping the object tightly in her hand, staring into oblivion. Trauma and loss really did bring people together, negativity was the strongest emotion next to love. What would she do without her babies? "You can do this, everything will be ok. Breathe" she told herself. As soon as the girls got here, she would be ok. They would be better together.

* * *

  
Miel-Honey

Cher-dear

Pardonne Moi-Forgive me

Erable-Maple

Mon petit heros-My little hero

Mon cheri-My darling


	2. Right here by your side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amelie and Maddie travel to the UK to stay with England until she recovers, both handling their grief in their own way. Lots of feels and angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The feels train will hit you hard

_Alice stood in the middle of the street, a loving look on her face. A warm hand intertwined with her own, a feeling of warmth enveloping her body. A warm scarf wrapped tightly around her neck, her cheeks flushed red with more than the cold. She occasionally glanced at her finger fondly, admiring the shining gold ring that was constantly attached to it. Her engagement ring diamonds gleaming in the low light of the streets. A_ _late night, the stars beaming down on them from the dark sky above. The echoing sound of people walking around them, returning home from work, fellow lovers out on dates and even families out for the night. A truly magical evening of sweet memories. A familiar face she couldn't quite remember, smiling fondly at her. An adoring look beaming at her, violet-blue eyes gazing right back._ _This place felt so familiar, so right, so safe, yet why could she not remember being here. This had been her life, hadn't it? Why did she feel like a stranger in memory that should feel so familiar?_

_Then there was a scream, someone yelled out desperately, causing Marie to become startled. Her gentle face soon turning to shock, her body malfunctioning as she shut down. There was a loud screeching, everything seemed to slow down like in a movie. She slowly turned around to see a car speeding towards them, the driver unable to stop or slam down the breaks. Her mind going into shock, her blood turning to ice._ _Then everything went black, the sound of voices now distant, her vision blurry and fading. Marie bent over her, clutching her close to her chest, cupping her head. Tears spilling over and falling onto her face, Marie trembling as she clutched her close._

* * *

Alice bolted up in bed, sweat running down her body like ice. Shaking and trembling, gripping her head and screaming. Tears spilling over onto the sheets, her body tightening and curled up into a ball. Her blonde hair falling over her face like a tangled mess. "No! Blood… so much blood…. It hurts… my head…. God my head!"Alice cried in anguish. Her green eyes wide with fear and glassy with tears, her lip trembling. Why couldn't she remember, why is it when she tried to look back on that part of her life a barrier prevented it. No matter how many times she closed her eyes, the taste of metal, the scent of blood and the cold of the street still lingered in her mind.

Marie was by her side in a heartbeat, wrapping her arms instinctively around her lover tightly. Stroking her head and holding her close, she knew this would happen. She was used to this, ever since it the accident, Alice now had PTSD panic attacks. Sometimes she slept peacefully, sometimes this happened. The doctor had warned her that things wouldn't be easy and she accepted that, she had just been glad that she still had Alice. But now, she realized she had been foolish, that she had been too overwhelmed by the relief that Alice even opened her eyes. Now she sometimes wondered if her life would ever be normal again.

"Sssh, Angleterre, I'm here. Ne pleure pas, tu es en sécurité" she soothed softly. She had been comforting England her whole life, ever since they were children. Through all the worst parts of history, she had been by her side. Easing away the tears and the pain. England started to soften, her crying stopping but the tears still subconsciously falling. Her trembling still evident, but lessening. Her breathing slowing ever so, her body calming. The nightmare was easing away, the memories soon leaving her. To anyone else in the outside world it would sound like someone was being attacked, but Marie had notified the neighbours that this may happen, to which they had become sympathetic and understanding. Though some still complained about her wife being a looney, she took it with stride.

Marie softened, breathing a sigh of relief but she didn't release England. She would not stop until England was fully calm. Stroking her hair gently, whispering softly into her ear in French. Kissing her head every now and again to calm her down. She tried to hide the pain in her own eyes, the aching sadness in her heart, her own tears that wanted to fall. She hated seeing England like this, how scared and fragile she looked. What the accident had done to her, what she had been robbed of by some drunken moron. Thank god Maddie and Amelia would be arriving tomorrow, having them around would relieve her of the burden that weighed heavily on her heart. She didn't think she could face this on her own. It just hurt too much, her heart shattering like glass piece by piece.

She often wondered what would have happened if she could go back in time, prevent the accident from ever happening. Pushing England out of the way, thinking fast or suggesting they go in another direction. Would her life still be the same as it always had been, her stubborn but loving wife? Not having to deal with her coma, her amnesia, her night terrors, all of it. She knew it was selfish, she knew what she was thinking was cruel, but others said it was natural. Though it hurt to admit, they were right, she was blaming herself because of a mistake she never saw coming and was now paying for it.

* * *

Marie handed Alice a steaming cup of hot chocolate, covered in whipped cream and mini marshmallows. She had made one for herself due to the fact she wasn't sleeping well these days. She would enjoy the soothing sensation of the creamy treat. It was a very childish gesture but their life was so upside down now, what the hell did it matter. The warm chocolatey milk would help them both relax and soon fade into a pleasant sleep. Hell, she would stay up all night if she had to, if it helped Alice through however her mind was coping so be it. They would get through this together, no matter how long it took. They were lovers after all.

Alice took the cup tentatively, a shy expression on her face. Feeling guilty for having woken her wife like that. The dream had felt so familiar, her heart had known that had been part of her life, but now it was like looking back on someone else's life. But just as the dream had felt so happy, suddenly it became so frightening and she wanted out. She didn't want to be in that dark place a second longer. "Forgive me, it must be troubling to have to deal with my outbursts. Especially at such hours of the night" she apologized in a pained tone. The fear she had felt was indescribable, a sickening feeling running through her. Like she couldn't breathe.

A look of anger flashed across Marie's face, was Alice seriously apologizing for having a panic attack triggered by PTSD? She wanted to cry, scream, curse the god who had ever allowed this, none of this was her fault. That asshole who ran into her was the cause of this. She never asked for this to happen to her. "Don't you  _dare_ apologize" she growled quietly. The one who should be suffering, who needed to pay for his actions was that drunk driver who could have killed her. He had nearly killed her and now ruined her life. He was the one who she would never have sympathy for, whom she would never forgive.

Alice looked at her in surprise, she hadn't meant to upset Marie. She just felt so guilty for having to put her through this. Now she had made her cry too, she felt awful as that had not been her intention. "I… Marie…" she mumbled anxiously, she didn't want to make her wife cry. She wished she could comfort her, she wished she could try and live a normal life, but her mind was so broken. Sometimes she felt like there was someone trying to break through, someone inside whom was trying to remain hidden but ever present. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't reach them. It was like her mind had sealed away the person she used to be.

Marie placed down her mug and cupped Alice's cheeks, her eyes teary but determined "Mon amour, every day I see the same accident you do. How close I came to losing you and holding you close as I waited for the ambulance. Sitting by your bedside waiting for you to wake up. Don't you ever apologize for being afraid". She knew all too well how such an event could traumatize you. Though she carried her memories and was still able to live her life again, she would never be the same. Now she was a broken version of the woman she used to be, still having the memories, but living as a different version. Never able to go back to the person she used to be.

Alice felt her heart fill with ease, a sense of familiar fondness and comfort she could not explain. She didn't remember any of her life with Marie, but she felt like she had butterflies in her stomach, suddenly happier than she could put into words. She swallowed nervously, averting her gaze from Marie's. Was this ok to ask of her? Her body started to shake again, but for a whole different reason. "I.. Marie… can.. can I…" she mumbled nervously. She felt so selfish asking for this, like she wasn't allowed. But her heart somehow longed to be touched.

Marie softened, sensing that her lover craved something from her. She stroked her thumb against her cheek affectionately, the tenderness returning in her gaze. "Oui?" she replied softly. Whatever her heart desired, she would happily give her as much as she longed for. Some part of Alice was desperately reaching out to her, though locked away deep inside somehow she was subconsciously trying to reach out. Desperate to communicate with Marie to say she was still in there, still loved her.

Alice swallowed, mustering up her courage. She lifted a hand to cup one of Marie's for courage, her mouth dry as she tried to find her words. "P… please… may… may I have a kiss" she stammered, her tone nearly sounding pleading? But why, if she was her wife why would she beg? Why did she feel like she didn't deserve Marie? Obviously before she lost her memories there had to be some reason for her to be in love with her? Everyone had their stories of what led them to end up as a couple, so she just needed to find hers, the one she had forgotten. Something had to trigger her memories right? Like trying to find a key to unlock the chains that hid them from her.

A warm smile that beamed with love slowly formed on Marie's face, she would kiss Alice as many times as she wanted. If her kisses triggered her memories, she would smother her with love. But she would not force her out of her comfort zone "Only if you are comfortable" she reassured her. She wanted Alice to come back to her, but the road to get back to normality would be rocky. But she would continue fighting, the would break down the walls that kept their minds apart, bringing them back together again.

Alice nodded calmly, she wanted this. Though scared she was indeed consenting to her lover showing her intimacy, though hesitant in many areas she felt comfortable in kissing her. She wanted to taste Marie's lips, she found some part of her craving that comfort. Like it was a natural response to this like she had done this before. In her confused fear she sought comfort from the woman in front of her, something deep inside of her psyche craved Marie.

Marie moved closer to Alice, closing the gap so their foreheads were touching. She never thought she would miss this so much. Since the accident, she hadn't touched Alice. Out of fear she may reject her. But knowing some part of Alice was reaching out for her still, it made her so happy. She then slowly leaned into Alice, feeling her breath on her lips. Her heartbeat through Alice's hand, she was as nervous as she. She then closed her eyes, gently capturing Alice's soft lips in a chaste kiss. Not too strong and not too gentle, just a tender kiss. Making her love only blossom stronger still.

She felt England shift nervously but she didn't push her away. She shyly returned the gesture, still holding Marie's hand for support. She was enjoying the kiss, maybe learning from it? Was she trying to remember something through intimacy? God she hoped so. Soon, she pulled away, her violet eyes hazy. I mean she desired England, she craved her wife, but she was holding back for both their sakes. She would not force England to do anything while she was like this. She would ease her into whatever she was comfortable with."Did you like that mon Coeur?" she asked sweetly. She hoped so, she had missed being able to share such sweet simple kisses with her wife. They were still as sweet as she remembered, making her crave more of her.

England licked her lips but nodded still blushing lightly. Marie's lips were so sweet like honey, kissing her felt so normal like she'd done this before. Somehow she craved it. But she didn't want to do more, she didn't feel she was ready to go further yet. But she knew she liked it. She enjoyed being able to share this with her lover, like a silent communication of love and understanding. Though still faint, her body still remembered gestures from Marie, so many things she had done before but couldn't remember doing.

France couldn't help but find herself smiling, this felt so much better. After the pain of waking to England screaming, this simple gesture had made things feel familiar again. Being able to touch her wife, to connect to her heart with her love. "Good, do you want to continue?" she asked. England's hand tensed on her own, to which she immediately took as a no. Sensing her lover was not ready for that yet. It was late and she was tired, she was exhausted in many ways and needed her sleep. She knew she would not be suitable to drive due to lack of sleep. Amelia had made the smart choice of choosing to take a taxi with Maddie, meaning she could keep watch over Alice.

The house felt emptier even with Alice's presence, sometimes she even forgot she was there due to how quiet she was nowadays. She could sneak up behind her and she would never hear her coming. Having two louder people in the house would save from having a heart attack, making things easier to cope with. Honestly the silence would become deafening sometimes and she worried she may go mad from her own thoughts. Overthinking, insomnia and anxiety had become a prominent part of her life these days, making things harder than they needed to be, but they were the scars of her survival. "It is late Alice, we both need sleep and the girls will be arriving tomorrow. Lack of sleep is not good for the body" she playfully teased. Honestly, she was so scared that once she became comfortable again. She would be woken by Alice screaming all over again.

Sleep? Alice panicked, what if that dream came back again? What if she woke to her own fears and trapped in that place? Screaming like her lungs would burst, trapped in the dark and the blood. She didn't want that at all. She knew not sleeping would damage her body and all humans needed to sleep, but her body wouldn't allow it. Her dreams scared her now and she feared that closing her eyes would only end badly, that she may never be able to sleep again.

"I will be right here beside you. I won't go anywhere. Do you want me to hold you as you sleep?" Marie encouraged her. She would let her fall asleep listening to her heart if that is what it took to scare away her demons into a peaceful slumber. Alice nodded slowly, she needed sleep, she needed to let her body heal of its own accord. But hadn't she been asleep for days in that coma? She was scared to wake up and lose even more of her memories. Her fists clenching tightly as she tried to divert these thoughts from her mind. "I will be right here, you have nothing to fear" Marie encouraged. She didn't want Alice to suffer further, she thought at least in sleep she would be safe. But that promise couldn't be further from the truth. Alice's brain worked differently now, after losing so much of her memory.

* * *

Amelia gripped her duffle bag strap tightly, trying to ease herself for what she was going to face. Honestly she couldn't stop shaking, she had even cried a little on the plane, which she tried to hide from the flight attendants. God this felt like a fucked-up joke or something. The whole time she had been panicking, if Alice didn't remember her marriage with Marie what else had she forgotten? Did she still remember raising her, did she still remember her face at least? The fact that she was her adopted mother and sister? God, she felt sick.

All of her memories as a nation, from the day she was born were linked to England. Though she had branched out, become stronger and made allies, she came from England once upon a time. Though she teased the older nation, she loved her dearly and knowing how close she came to losing her altogether, it made her skin crawl. She felt her mind was hazy nowadays, she got upset over everything, desperately trying to be a better person to make up for never doing so in the past. Blaming herself for not being there when England had been hospitalized.

She cried more than she used to, she never used to be such a crybaby. But lately, she couldn't stop, when she got angry she started crying. She had become more childish, vulnerable and even selfish. Soon she realized the reality of the situation, that nearly losing her big sister had all but broken her. The worst kind of wake up call a person can experience. She desperately needed England, how much she needed her as part of her life. How broken she would be if England truly left her behind. She swore she would never allow England to be endangered like that ever again.

"Amelia? Are you ok? You're shaking" Maddie asked in concern. Though she was the younger of the siblings, Maddie had always been far more mature in her years than Amelia. She was handling this a lot better and had taken to be the one in charge. She needed to be the anchor now, she was the only person who could be. Marie had all but snapped and broken, she was barely holding on and was desperately hiding it. Amelia was now prone to snapping at people and sporadically crying, she was the only person strong enough to take charge, she had to be the matriarch now. She had to be the one to take care of everyone or everything would fall apart all over again.

Amelia laughed shakily, she was the only person she could talk to lately. "I.. I'm freaking out Maddie. What… what if she doesn't recognise us?" she confessed nearly in tears. She wouldn't be able to handle that, to look at someone she had known her whole life only to be a stranger to her. She felt like running away and never looking back. She always called herself a hero, but now she felt like anything but. She felt like a pathetic little girl scrabbling to pick up the pieces of the mess. But no matter how hard she tried to act brave or hide how scared she was, she couldn't, people always saw past her facade causing her to break down and cry harder.

Maddie sighed, how was anyone supposed to handle this? There was no correct way to handle grief, you just coped the best way your body would allow it. How she and her sister were feeling were natural, this was their way of handling what was happening in their lives. It wasn't wrong and they weren't being stupid. They were being human. She took Amelia's hand and squeezed it tightly, "Marie assured me, that Alice does remember some things, just not her. I guess it's just something we will have to face together. But she has notified her that we are coming to stay" she explained.

They would be living with them temporarily, just until things went back to normal, after the cool down period. Unfortunately she would have to work while here and sometimes go back to Canada. But she was here now and she planned on staying as long as possible. She needed to make sure her sister and mother got rest so Alice could be watched over. She needed to act as an anchor through this storm they were all facing, doing what she could to be helpful would bring them the relief they needed so badly right now.

Amelia nodded hesitantly before sighing in frustration. Her blue eyes seemed to shine with tears. God she felt like shit, she was supposed to be an adult and yet she wanted nothing more than to break down and smash something in a bitter tantrum. Anything to make her feel better. Selfishly thinking of herself when she wasn't the only person who was hurting. When this whole mess affected everyone around her, scared that the England she had admired secretly her whole life would never come back to her.

Maddie instinctively sensed her sister's worry. She had known Amelia her whole life, she knew when she was hiding something. She hugged Amelia, selfishly venting her own insecurities in the process. She had kept a brave face this entire time to stop her sister from breaking down, but she didn't know how long she could keep up this charade. It was a gesture she had picked up from England, now it had become her shield. "It'll be ok Amelia, I promise. We'll get through this together" she whispered. Thank god they brought Kumarie along too, they would need the company. Amelia softened into her sister's hug, she didn't know how much she needed one right now. She didn't want to let go, she just wanted to stand here and cry into her sister's shoulder. Everything just felt so wrong, like this wasn't her life at all.

* * *

"Bonjour mama, Oui, Amelia and I are on our way to Alice's in the taxi now. We will be with you as soon as you can. Mmm, we'll be sure to get here safely, just try to relax. Nous t'aimons aussi" she replied fondly before hanging up the phone. She leaned back in her seat, her violet eyes pained as she tried to refrain from getting angry. She had inherited England's temper, making her just as scary as the Brit when something upset her. But now was not the time to show such a face, she didn't want to take it out on anyone and make things worse. Kumarie growled from the boot, raising her soft white face responding to her mistress's depressed tone. Nuzzling her soft nose against her head in order to attempt comforting her.

She had until now vented her anger towards things like hockey, or just having alone time. But that would be harder to do while she was here. She was used to be so strong, most troubles left behind in the past and allowing the wounds to heal. But not this time, now she was having to live with a wound more painful than she was used to. The knowledge that one of her mothers, England may never remember who she was. Though she knew of such things like Amnesia or Dementia affected humans, never had it hurt them as nations. But now she understood the pain humans felt, having to experience this pain for herself. She didn't think she could ever come back from this.

Amelia turned to ruffle Kumarie's head and scratch her ears, earning a happy growl from the bear. She knew Kumarie could sense Maddie was distressed and was trying to make her happy. Honestly, she wished she had a pet like Maddie's, it would be so useful for times like these."I'm still amazed at how good you are at handling this Maddie. Hell, I'm actually kind of scared" she joked but her tone was restless. She had experienced Maddie's temper before, this was the calm before the storm. Before her true passion came to light and the beast inside was released. She knew never to mess with her when she was like this, it ended badly.

Sure she had experienced it when Maddie watched Hockey, but that was a different side of rage. The cold reckless, unpredictable rage she could see glinting in Maddie's eyes now made her wary. She knew at any given time she could snap and lash out at someone, so she was being cautious, not wanting to be the trigger that would unleash hell. Though people never assumed it, believing Maddie to be a pushover, she in fact hid her true capabilities from everyone. The inhuman strength and pure wrath that lay inside of her heart. She was just so sweet all the time nobody thought it was possible.

Maddie huffed, her self control was wavering and her emotions were becoming more evident. Lack of sleep was getting the better of her and there was a lump forming in her throat. She had to remain strong, she could cry when she was home. When she was in her mother's arms. She ran a hand through her messy strawberry blonde waves, staring out of the window in hopes of distracting herself. She had to be the one to take control, Amelia would never be able to handle this on her own. She wasn't strong enough to shoulder the responsibility, she never had been. "We should get some sleep, the driver will let us know when we arrive" she replied. Their bosses had set up this driver for their arrival, having explained the situation of their allies. Having set this whole thing up for them, understanding what was happening.

* * *

Maddie and Amelia pulled up outside their familiar childhood home, they never thought they would have to return to this place under such situations. But y'know life had a funny way of screwing people over like that. Bittersweet memories came with trauma, pushing a person to see how long they could handle nostalgia before they broke under the pressure. It was like stepping into a ghost town, as if their bodies didn't belong to them, solely working on auto-pilot, closing off a part of themselves so they didn't fall apart.

Amelia stepped out of the car, staring at the house as if it were haunted. She lingered at the car door, biting her lip and praying that Alice would hug her. That she would remember her at least, hell it could be the most boring or embarrassing story ever, as long as Alice could remember it too. Her blue eyes never tore away from the front door, suddenly it felt so far away. So scary, her body instinctively telling her to run, her palms sweaty and a lump in her throat. Maybe she couldn't face this after all. Maybe she shouldn't have come home at all.

What was she thinking? After Marie called her she had been in panic mode, rushing about her house, throwing everything into a suitcase, telling herself this had to be a joke. Before throwing things, smashing things and breaking down into tears. Blaming everyone for this, trying to find an answer to something she couldn't fix. After finally calming down she knew what to do. But now, she didn't know if she could handle this, if she would be able to make it through. God she wanted out, she wanted to leave. Being numb would be better than having to tolerate this pain.

The silence was broken by Maddie closing her car door and patting her side as Kumarie scrambled from the boot to her side. Not really caring if she messed up the backseat of the taxi in doing so. Her furry pet rubbing the side of her leg, to which she scratched her ear affectionately. Maddie sighed, pulling out a hairband from her pocket, tossing her head back to allow her waves to fall down her back. Running her fingers through her hair and binding it back into a messy bun. Some strands of her hair tickling her soft face while she fastened her hair back. She buried her hands into her hoodie pockets, hitching her glasses up her nose. It was now or never and it was time to face the music. She turned to Amelia bravely, her courage now starting to waver after finally arriving. "You ready?" she asked, no matter what they still had each other.

She knew there was no turning back now, she prayed that there was some booze in the house, if not she was sure as hell going to get her hands on some. She wouldn't be able to handle this without some. Hell, this whole situation was a mess so why not just do what felt right, she may cry, she may break down and she may show her real feelings, so what. There were worse things to do than get drunk when dealing with trauma, she didn't doubt that Amelia and Marie wouldn't be tempted. It was legal here anyway so why not take advantage.

"Like ripping off a band-aid?" Amelia scoffed. She sounded like she was being bitchy but she had no malice in her tone. She was genuinely scared of what they were about to step into. Just how the hell were they going to manage this? How would they get through this without any scars? The two sisters smiled sadly at each other, a momentary shared look of understanding being shared. Neither of them wanted to be in this situation, to hopefully wake up and realize this was all a bad joke. But that was too good to be true, the selfish desire in their hearts eating away at them.

* * *

Maddie and Amelia placed their bags on the floor of the hallway, making sure to place them correctly so nobody would abruptly fall and be caused any accidents. Any more mishaps would be detrimental to their already sensitive situation. They didn't need any more pain. Pictures of their life together hung everywhere to be seen, only making them question further how different it would all look to England now. Like looking into images of someone else's life instead of her own.

Maddie was the first to explore the house, not wanting to go upstairs in case she was mistaken for someone attempting to break in. I mean given they didn't know how severe the amnesia was, could Alice even remember being told they were coming? "Hello? Mama? It's Maddie, Amelia and I are here" she called loudly, trying to keep her tone friendly and calm. She didn't want to make herself sound aggressive in case she caused any misunderstandings. She couldn't allow herself to fall apart.

Amelia lingered in the hallway, afraid to follow her sister. Burying her hands into her zipped hoodie jacket, her head bowed towards the floor. Biting her lip as she prayed the echoing silence in her ears would soon fade and someone would reply back to them. It was just too much, finding herself restless and anxious. Soon the blessed relief of footsteps came, but whether or not they were Alice or Marie's would be the surprise. They both stood their ground and waited to be met by whoever had heard them calling.

Soon Marie appeared in the hallway, a light cry of relief in her tone as she was met with her girls. Her eyes filled with tears and she looked like she may burst into tears all over again. The light bags under her eyes revealed she wasn't sleeping much either. She had fastened her hair yet again into a messy French braid, some of her bangs wildly framing her face, others flying in other directions. She was wearing a beige chunky cable turtleneck jumper and some blue skinny jeans. Hugging herself instinctively for comfort. "Amelia, Maddie, Dieu merci. My babies have come home" she almost sobbed. She never thought she would be so happy to see familiar faces again. Let alone two who remembered who she was. She didn't know how she would cope otherwise.

The distance had truly never felt further until today, impatiently counting down the hours till they arrived. Not wanting to be on her own much longer, desperate for company. She needed her family more than ever, the support of having someone to vent to. To talk about the words she hid from Alice that she could not bring herself to say. She needed her girls. Their rooms had been set up for their arrival, trying to make it feel as homely as possible. Just like how things used to be before they grew up.

Maddie immediately hugged her mother, sensing her fragility. She could feel her shaking, she felt so weak, so small. Had she been eating? It was clear she hadn't been sleeping well. After all she had done for her through the years, she could finally repay the debt by taking care of her now. Amelia followed suit, nearly scrambling through the hall towards her second mother. She threw her arms over them both and nuzzled her nose into their faces. She could feel herself wanting to cry but she refused to allow the tears to fall. She couldn't be a crybaby, not now. "We're home mama, we came as fast as we could" Maddie replied. They would do all they could until Alice was back to normal. They wouldn't leave here until Alice was showing severe signs of improvement, no matter what the situation was back home.

"I never thought I'd be so happy to come home" Amelia coughed. She had always hated Alice's home in the past, finding her somewhat boring and always teasing her. Now she couldn't be happier, this place becoming a treasured place she never wanted to leave. She wanted to trace her fingers across the whole house, savouring every little piece, appreciating all the small things she remembered happening in her life. Reawakening old ones, the ones that Alice couldn't recollect.

Marie nearly coughed as she felt some tears spill over, she had truly raised these girls right. Though she had worried about what they would become as they grew older. She carried no doubt now, that they had become fine young women she could be proud of. She pulled away slowly, wiping the tears from her face. When had she become so emotional? "I have set up your rooms as they were. You get a room each, this house was always too big for one person. I will make some tea, Alice is sat outside with me. But… just approach with caution, oui?" she asked hesitantly. She didn't want to scare her.

The girls nodded, knowing they would have to tread lightly. One wrong move could put them in hot water and they didn't want that. No matter what they wanted, no matter how desperate the need. They would have to be brave and approach England on her terms, not theirs. They had heard about Alice's panic attack last night, Marie calling up to let them know. They didn't want her relapsing and having another while they were here, not if they could help it.

* * *

Amelia collapsed on her old bed with a loud oomph, the warm softness of the bed now a relief. Nothing had changed, the room was modernized and the bed was bigger. But the place still felt the same as it always had. A nice view of Alice's garden, a soft blue blanket over the duvet, the sheets were white an array of roses and a stuffed bear. Once she would have called this childish, now it all felt so comforting. There was a small on-suite bathroom, meaning she wouldn't have to go far for the toilet. Old fashioned wooden wardrobes, a desk, bookshelves etc. Mind you she could personalize it during her stay. I mean she would be here a while.

She gripped a nearby teddy obviously left by Marie for her, it was a light caramel colour with an American bow on the front. She pressed the soft fluffy creature to her protectively, burying her nose into his fur. When had she become so weak? Being home was supposed to be a happy feeling, returning to see your family and friends. But now, she felt scared, like she was somewhere unfamiliar. Despite having been raised in this place as a child.

The musky scent of a room that had not been used, the background tick of the clock, the tap of branches on her window, the creak of the house. Every sound so loud, she could not avoid it. Her own mind whirring as she let herself think. Memories of being wrapped up in the sheets of a bed, the low light of candles, Alice sat by her bedside reading her stories. This room felt so big now, so strange and alien, she had visited this place before so many times but now, it felt different, she felt different. Like she didn't belong here.

She swallowed the lump in her throat as she curled up on the bed, the others were waiting but she wanted to wait before she came down. She couldn't face Alice like this, she needed to smile. She had to be brave no matter what, she was the heroine after all. "I'm home" she mumbled under her breath, hoping nobody could hear the silent sobs that started to erupt in her throat.

* * *

Maddie stood under the hot spray of the shower, staring into the oblivion as the water trickled over her skin. She was unaware of the world around her, the echoing background noise of dripping water, the gurgling of the plughole all fading out. Her hands gripped into balled fists beside her. Her long curls fell down her back, her violet eyes filled with pain and frustration. Tears spilt down her face as her shoulders trembled, how could she cry like this in front of Marie. She couldn't show her how hurt she was, how angry she was.

She had always been able to control herself, she was so used to wearing a smile and never letting anything faze her. But she had a heart like everyone else, she had limits and she had reached hers. Would she fall into the same pattern as Marie? Would she fall into unhealthy habits? She thought being comfortably numb would be better, but she was not that kind of girl. She had never been able to switch off her feelings easily, she always felt too much, cared so much, wearing her heart on her sleeve always.

This wasn't fair, this whole scenario was so fucked in every sense of the word. Sure, England had never been perfect, she knew this all too well. She was one of her closest and oldest allies, sharing much of her culture with the older nation. But she was her family, her dual mother, helping to raise her into the person she had become now. But she remembered none of that. Every precious memory linked to England was all she knew now, she was a lifeline of hope for England ever becoming the person she had been before. How was anyone supposed to handle such pressure with a calm head?

Marie hadn't just asked her home to be moral support she knew that, she needed her help in caring for England. That in any hope of England returning to normal, she would have to help to be a trigger. Knowing she too would have to face England having a breakdown. She felt herself shaking, biting her lip as she tried to bite back her voice. She could feel herself laughing, not out of happiness but rage, sadness. Hell, the situation couldn't get any more screwed up if they tried, but Karma was being an ass like that lately.

It loved to see how far a person's sanity would become before they lost it all together. To see how beaten they could become before they just gave up. Just taking and taking, breaking a person's psyche just to see if they could bounce back. The worst things always happened to the best people, enjoying their sweet suffering like a game. She hugged herself tightly, gripping her nails into her arms, not caring if she bled. She hated this, she hated all of it. She just wanted to wake up and go back to her old life, no matter how boring or how shit it was, it would be happier, they would have England back.

* * *

Maddie stepped out of the shower, feeling better for having done so. Her head felt clearer, she felt refreshed but her exhaustion was more prominent. She knew if she fell asleep she wouldn't wake for what may have been hours. Her jet lag starting to kick in now that she was able to relax a little. She allowed her gaze to fall to the bed where Kumarie had made herself comfortable and was now sleeping. She would be glad of her pets comfort during this time, helping her through this mess.

She looked around the room, taking it all in case she on some level forgot. The soft bed with maple leaf sheets she had brought from home, a dark brown, blackish colour with hints of red and yellow. Brown, golden, bright yellow and of course, red leaves scattered the sheets. She gazed around the room, taking in the old wardrobes, vanity mirror, bookshelves and desks. When had this place become so empty? So isolated? It all felt so distant and strange now. Like she was a ghost walking through the rooms, stuck in a time that she didn't belong.

She felt herself trembling, a surge of rage washing through her. She felt herself bite her lip, mumbling curses under her breath. Abruptly, she raised her fist to punch the wall, a loud bang and crack echoing through the silence. She felt a sense of relief and calmness overcome her, the pent up rage she had restrained suddenly released. She peered to her side quietly, her hand now semi-buried into the wall. The thick plaster now cracked with a hole, bits of rubble formed around her hand. She stared at it for a while as if it were not her own. Her arm now dusted white from dust, sensing something seeping from her body, like water maybe?

She soon tensed, sighing heavily. That had probably not been a good idea, but it felt right at the time. Slowly twisting her hand to release herself, dust and rubble falling onto the floor before her hand was removed from the wall. Staring at the blood on her hand, dripping across her knuckles onto the floor. She barely registered the pain in her hand, for the pain inside of her was much greater. There were some muffled footsteps as she heard clamouring through the house. Of course someone would have heard it in this silence. Trying to hide anything right now wouldn't work. Soon her bedroom door opened loudly with a slam to which she stared at the guest blankly.

Marie stood there in a panicked state, having dashed upstairs hearing the bang. Now instinctively used to rushing after Alice to ease her own state of mind. Her eyes wide with fear, praying nothing had happened to Maddie too. She relaxed seeing Maddie was unharmed, her gaze falling to her now bleeding hand. She already guessed what had happened, seeing the hole in the wall. Despite being seen as the weaker sibling, Maddie, in fact, held just as great strength inside of her as Amelia. But now her self control was weaning, her walls were breaking and she had thrown away her filter.

"I… I just… my anger… it felt… better" Maddie mumbled bluntly under her breath, her tone cold. She suddenly felt guilty, a little ashamed of what she had done. Like a child being caught sneaking cookies before dinner. Bowing her head, her wet curls fell in front of her face like a curtain. She gripped her arm by the wrist, holding her arm aware that she was hurt. But she didn't care, her injury didn't matter. What mattered was that England got better, that she regained her memories again.

Marie said nothing, lashing out like this, violent outbursts, such reactions were normal with grief. Hell, her actions were expected, the house could be fixed, replaced. Their memories could not. "Mon doux, I would expect nothing less from you. Believe me I've wanted so badly to tear a room apart and smash everything in sight. I'm holding together only because I do not wish to frighten her. I'll send someone this week to fix that dent" she reassured her. Being a nation he wounds would heal, but she would still need to clean it nonetheless. She needed to be brave, it would be hard for her she knew that all to well, but they had to rely on each other more now than ever before.

Maddie hugged herself again, trying to not break down as she had before. But the tears wanted to come, they wanted to pour out of her in waves. She wanted to say something, anything but she couldn't find the words. Why, why had she done that? She felt better, but why had she done it? She had always known violence had never solved anything, but if felt so good to let it all out. Deal with this grief, to say to hell with it all and let everything out.

Marie approached and held her in her arms, pressing Maddie to her shoulder as she had when she was a child. Rubbing her head gently, biting back her own tears. Though grown up now and a woman herself, Maddie was still the same scared little girl as she had been back then. "It's ok to cry Maddie, we all have to cry sometimes. Now more than ever it is expected of you" she whispered hoarsely her own tone breaking.

Maddie snapped, her self control shattering like the wall beneath her fist. She couldn't do it anymore, she felt so warm, so safe, in her mother's arms. Her lip trembled and the sobs escaped her lips, low at first then louder. Her chest heaving as the cries escaped her lips, staining her mothers clothes with her tears. She wanted so badly for this to be over, she just wanted it all to stop.

* * *

Maddie stepped out into the garden quietly, the sound of birds, the rustle of the plants in the breeze, all so familiar to her. Alice sat in a chair nearby, a cup beside her, still steaming beside the porcelain teapot adorned with flowers. How natural this all felt, but to Alice it all must have felt like a dream. She bit her lip, not knowing what to say, what if she messed up and scared her? She wanted so badly to rush to England and hug her. But in doing so she may cause a negative reaction so she needed to control herself, no matter how much it hurt.

"Angleterre, we have some guests. The girls have arrived to stay with us like I said" Marie replied calmly, though she sounded shaky. Wondering if her lover heard her at all and had become locked inside of her own mind again. Sometimes Alice would space out, but she would come back again eventually. Though she had always been ditzy, now it was more worrying than anything. Prompting her to never leave England on her own for too long, worried she would hurt herself if she left her longer than a heartbeat.

England shifted, her gaze turning to the girls. Her green eyes calm, curious and confused. She hesitated before slowly getting to her feet, taking the girls in. Yes, she remembered them. They were… her children yes? "M… Maddie?..." she mumbled. That name sounded right yes? She heard that name before, but how old, what she looked like… where she was from she didn't know. Only a name and chunks were missing. That much she knew Marie filled in some gaps. Marie had told her, she was 18 years old, she lived in Canada, she loved sweets, ice hockey and animals. But she hadn't had more time to explain to her.

Maddie felt a surge of relief, holding back the need to cry all over again. She coughed as she held back her tears. "Y… Yeah that's right. I'm Maddie, Maddie Williams" she explained shakily. Subconsciously playing with her fingers to reassure herself things were ok. She still knew her name, she knew she was her daughter. They had so much to make up for now that she was here and she would not waste a second of it. Be it cooking, gardening, hockey games, you name it, she would do it. Anything to make England happy.

"I apologize, my memories… it's all so hazy. But, I understand I… we are your mothers. My, what a sweet young lady you are" Alice replied warmly. Whatever actions and lessons she had used as she grew up had obviously worked. She had such lovely violet eyes, such soft hair, what a beauty she was. Obviously her looks had come from France. She carried the scent of Maple syrup, woodsmoke and fresh pine, such a comforting feeling. She didn't think she would be able to have such a lovely child, given her siblings had always told her she was useless.

Maddie smiled, knowing that deep inside Alice was still proud of her. Trying to break out of the darkness and tell her how loved she was. "Merci, I had two great role models" she thanked gratefully. God, why did this have to be so hard? Why did England's smile break her heart? Knowing it felt forced and fake, knowing that England was trying her hardest and was still struggling. She wanted to grab her and shake her, demanding that she try harder. How selfish she was for forgetting them.

Amelia nervously peeked her head out from behind Maddie. She had always been a troubled child, never following the rules and doing what she wanted. What if England said something hurtful without meaning to? Now more than anything she needed to behave as to not upset England. "H.. Hi… you um… sorry. I know I look a mess, flights and all" she babbled, why was she saying such stupid shit? Why couldn't she be smooth like Maddie? Her brain just didn't want to work at all.

Alice gazed at her. That wild blonde hair, those blue eyes and that tone. Yes, she was the American daughter, the eldest sister of 19. She too enjoyed sports, mostly baseball. Hot dogs, comic books and gaming. That much Marie had told her. "Amy… no… I… Amelia" Alice mumbled, gripping her head slightly. She couldn't push herself. She didn't think speaking to people would take such a strain on her, but she had to try. She knew the doctor said her memories would come back on their own, but waiting was making her frustrated.

Amelia took a deep breath bracing herself for what was to come, she was trying. Stuff like this would become a regular thing and she would have to get used to it eventually. It hurt that she had remembered Maddie's name on the spot and nearly misnamed her. But she couldn't be petty like that, it was still hard for her. "Yeah… Amelia Jones, that's me". This wasn't about her, it was about Alice. This was about being here for her, taking care of her. Helping her find her way through the fog in her mind.

Alice gave her an apologetic look, knowing she had messed up. Somehow she knew when they were upset, her instincts telling her what she needed to do. But her brain didn't seem to agree, which just made everything harder. "You have such pretty eyes, you must have inherited them from Marie. Though your bashfulness reminds me of my childhood" she joked lightly. She saw parts of herself in the younger girl, though as to why she didn't know.

Marie, Maddie and Amelia felt a jolt of hope, did she just say childhood? Had something from her past been triggered? They could only hope that was the case, their meeting had brought something back for her. That some piece of England had been recovered. "Yeah... I've always been a dork. Or so I've been told" Amelia joked. Had England remembered something? They would never know until England recalled something of her own accord, they wouldn't be able to tell. Marie smiled, offering the girls a seat while she went to get some snacks and brew from fresh tea. Kissing Alice lightly on the head and promising to be back shortly.

**Ne pleure pas, tu es en sécurité-Don't cry, you're safe**

**Mon amour-My love**

**mon Coeur-Sweetheart**

**Nous t'aimons aussi- we love you too**

**Dieu merci-Thank goodness**

**Mon doux-My sweet**


End file.
